Rhinestones
I think she was spooning custard into my bowl,
Grandma Phyllis, when I asked her about the owl
pinned to her dress. “Are those rubies?” I wondered.
The eyes of the tiny bejeweled bird caught the light,
glowed as bright as the coffee percolator’s red spot.
She fiddled with Saran wrap. I didn’t think she’d heard.
“Oh, this?” She tapped the tip of her red-enameled nail
on the owl’s breast. Metal plumage rattled like hail
had, the night before, on asphalt shingles over my bed.
“No. Just paste.” I thought of the white goo at school,
how all the girls made it into fake fingernails, would
wave their hands like movie stars, fling invisible
feather boas over their shoulders, call each other
“Dar-link!” Grandma, whose hair glinted high over
her pink scalp, showed me the worn gold bands on her left hand,
sprinkled with clouded stones pressed like raisins into dough,
hazy with lemon oil and cold cream. “These, though,”
she smiled, “are real,” and lit a cigarette. “Understand?”
Leslie Schultz
Grandma Phyllis circa 1926Grandma Phyllis in 1966
Who defines what is real? Who determines value? Does the surface reveal or conceal?
Now is all we have. Love is who we are. ~Anne Lamott
I’m sifting through files, when this floats onto my lap, this cream-colored envelope— stationery Tim and I asked a friend to design for a business that carried us twenty years
To here. To now.
The quoted words are written in my hand, something from writer Anne Lamott, but the source? Well, I’ve read quite a lot by Anne. Never met her. Did not note the particular work. Does it matter?
No. It is here. With me now.
And I feel the truth, see it everywhere I look, stacked on our shelves, between the covers of each book— essence of each maker distilled into gifts speaking over the distance of years, abundance not just of the maker but of so many generous people who carried them here.
Not just each book. Wherever I look.
The silver teaspoons of my grandmother, a cross-stitch from Tim’s sister honoring our wedding. A trompe-l’oiel shawl from my mother disguising a battered door. Endless list—--towels in the bathroom, sheets on our bed, photographs on our walls, all sent by my sister.
10,000 love notes. Waiting to be re-read.
Friends. Living or departed, still a rich chorus. You, whom we understand, who are there for us. You know who you are! You have marked us. This morning, I see how love, our magic alphabet, writes us real, sends us back to the source.
To speak and to see, To love and to be.
Or in Anne’s words now: Help, Thanks, Wow.
Leslie Schultz
These quiet days are filled with new reading and re-reading…books, letters, memories, and clouds…and the journey continues! LESLIE
For me, color is strong medicine, distilled and concentrated. Like poetry. It is the medicine I am especially in need of this season. I thought I might write a poem for today titled “Patriots,” but that did not come. Instead in this season where I am finding too much dissimulation, unintentional buffoonery, and empty rhetoric in the public realm–maybe you are, too?–I thought I might offer some more grounded images of red, white, and blue along with a few simple words.
Incidentally, I remember learning at age eight that pansies are also called “Heart’s Ease.” Remember that passage in Little Women, that perennial classic, when Beth embroiders a pair of slippers for old Mr. Laurence, covering the toes with pansies, and he refers to them by their antique name? It was about the same time I learned the word “glassine.” Today, I learned that glassine, for all its translucence, lightness, and seeming frailness is actually quite strong, protective, and resistant to staining. Today, I will think about how to cultivate those qualities in myself. To that end, I am going to bring up some of my brilliantly colored fabrics and begin working out the design for a new quilt. Later in the year, Tim and I will fill the empty containers in the garden with seeds from Seed Savers that we started inside and which are starting to sprout. Should be a riot of color by July.
Wishing you a splendid day of bright hues and ease and good weather, wherever you are, inside or out!
In the last days of a long-ago marriage money was tight. It was high summer in Louisiana, a swelter, a sauna. My then-husband had found work with a beekeeper, traveling with a crew to check hives. It didn’t pay much but was honest, worked as a metaphor, better than his old job welding deep inside oil tankers, he said, coming home stung, his sinuses swollen by all the wind-blown pollens.
I was academically employed, a grad student on summer break, fiddling with Latin, the declensions of irregular verbs, the moody subjunctive, and trying to keep the kitchen in that rented house free of shiny black tree roaches, but closing my eyes before I turned on the lights, giving them time to scuttle back into cracks. One evening—I’d fixed jambalaya—his boots dropped on the back porch and he came in with news: there was work for me in the honey house.
I showed up at the low concrete building, a warren of ill-lit rooms, built for something else. The beekeeper showed me how to set wax patterns on the wire sheets, slide the ready frames into wooden hives, portable as document boxes. I got the hang of it in half an hour, fell into a light trance alone in the honey house, some far-off door open, its frame filled with sunlit greens and soft, lulling breeze. I recited scraps of old poems I’d learned by heart: Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediment/Love is not love… I liked the rhythm, the hum and slide and rattling thunk of old wood. It reminded me, I guess, of the shuddering return of my typewriter carriage. Love is not love, Love is not love….After great pain, a formal feeling comes…then something stirred in my peripheral vision. Something ghostly crawled toward me, red-eyed,
balding, dragging a long pink tail. I stood and screamed! It hissed and ran and it was a long time before my heart stopped thumping but I did catch hold of myself. Taking deep breaths, I saw the funny side— me, jumping on the chair, like a cartoon housewife startled by a mouse. I only recognized, weeks later, that turning point, fear-born gift of clear sight, despite long hiding: a fierce intent to claim my own power.
Today’s poem was a collision with current events (my review this week of the Latin verbs “sum” and “possum” or “I am” and “I can” and a rich and deep conversation yesterday) and an old memory surfacing. (It was in Lake Charles, Louisiana, as a graduate student of poetry, that for fun I began my peregrinations through the Latin language. When I left Lake Charles, I also left my first marriage.)
One spring morning, under the trembling white blooms of our kiwi vine— supported by an old ladder, just in line with the seen-better-days porch railing—
I glimpsed, as though deep into a cave, the woven edges of a wren’s nest. No doubt you guess the rest. For the rest of the season, we gave
those tiny, vociferous birds a very wide berth, moved our chairs, well knowing the worth of a space without words,
of resonant emptiness, hidden under a fragrant curtain while the outcome is uncertain, in intent endeavors, bidden and unbidden.